


just fine.

by skz00line



Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Anxiety, Emetophobia, Fainting, Fluff and Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Lee Felix (Stray Kids)-centric, Panic Attacks, Phobias, References to Illness, Vomiting, emetophobic!felix
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-23
Updated: 2020-01-23
Packaged: 2021-02-27 03:21:14
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,416
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22380211
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/skz00line/pseuds/skz00line
Summary: he doesn't know where his phobia originally came from, but the anxiety filling his body right now is very real.-OR: emetophobic!felix
Relationships: Lee Felix (Stray Kids) & Everyone, Lee Felix (Stray Kids)/Everyone
Comments: 8
Kudos: 218





	just fine.

it was a quiet day for stray kids, a weird time in between promotions, leaving day's off and time to spare filling their schedules. felix had been laying in bed when he felt his stomach rumble, deciding 11am was a good time for breakfast. as he left his room, he noticed a small commotion outside the dorm's bathroom, brow furrowing trying to work out what was happening, his stomach dropping at the words, "i think he's being sick."

he doesn't even know where his phobia originally came from, but the anxiety felix felt fill his body when he heard one of the members gagging from inside the dorm bathroom, was very real. felix felt himself stumbling backwards, muttering quiet no's under his breath. chan, seungmin and jisung had all crowded around the bathroom door, trying to reach a currently sick jeongin. jisung took a step towards felix, grabbing him by the waist to steady him as he stumbled, but felix couldn't see straight anymore and the thought of anyone touching him and transferring their germs or illness to him was too much too handle. felix felt his head reel as he fought his way out of jisung's grasp, jisung doing his best to reassure the distressed boy. 

"hey felix, are you ok? you don't look so hot." seungmin asked, confused with the boy's behaviour.

"he's not r-really being si-sick, is he?" felix stuttered out, his words catching in his tight throat. felix couldn't get sick, being sick was the worst feeling and the smell was bad and the texture of it coming out his thro- oh fuck, why couldn't he breathe anymore.

"felix, you need to breathe," he heard a voice that sounded like seungmin say. when did he sit down? he saw a hand reach out to him through his teary ears, finding himself shuffling backwards on his butt to avoid the touch. felix pulled his hoodie sleeves over his hands so he had a barrier over his hands. he needed to wash them, he needed to wash his whole body, he couldn't get sick, but there was currently someone being sick in their bathroom, finding his breath picking up as he realized he couldn't protect himself from any germs. felix curled up into a ball, his head touching his knees, wanting to disappear.

"FELIX! felix, can you hear us? please, felix," he heard a voice beg. somewhere from his subconscious, his head told him it was chan, but that thought was immediately pushed out to allow more room for his panicked thoughts. 

"felix, are you there? can i touch you?" jisung.

"no, nonono, please don't, don't touch me." felix's words all run into one, voice trying to keep up with his racing head. 

"that's ok, that's fine, you just need to breathe, lix. look like this, in… and out." jisung? seungmin? chan? felix couldn't tell, the blood was rushing to his head, intensely trying to even out his breathing. he tried his hardest to follow the counts chan was offering, choking multiple times before he could truly take an even breath. his heart was still racing and his hands still shaking, but he was breathing, and his vision was clearing up. he could now see jisung and chan crouched in front of him, jeongin leaning out the door frame of the bathroom with seungmin rubbing his back. felix felt his heart clench, jeongin was ill but he had just taken all the attention off him all because of his silly little phobia. 

felix felt him curl into himself again, embarrassed with himself, eyes tearing up again.

"can we touch you now, lix? are you back with us?"

"no, not yet, please don't touch me," felix said quickly, hands fidgeting in his lap. he found he had pressed himself against the wall of the end of the hall, once he realized his panic attack was over he felt his head fall back and he collapsed against the wall. panic attacks really do take it out of you, huh?

"hey that's ok," chan started. "we won't touch you, but if you don't mind, could you tell us what happened?" 

felix cringed. "i, uh, heard jeongin," he gestured throwing up with his hand, finding himself unable to say it, "and it just scared me. i've been scared of it, since high school at least. i don't even know why, but it's just irrational and embarrassing, i'm sorry."

"don't apologise, bub, it sounds like you have a phobia," chan stated. "don't be embarrassed, just let us help you, lix."

felix pushed himself off the floor, pulled his sleeves over his hands and smiled gratefully at his friends. "thanks guys, that really means a lot to me. uh, i need a lie down after that," he humoured with himself. he rubbed his face, flinching slightly when he felt the tip of his finger come into contact with his bare face. he breathed deeply, it would take a while to get over an attack that big.

"hey, let's go lie down," jisung said.

he used his back to open the bedroom door, jisung following, trudged over to his bed, and fell down on his back. he began fidgeting again at the thought of jisung laying down in his bed, he had been so close to the bathroom…

jisung seemed to sense this discomfort, and pulled his hoodie over his head and grabbed a clean one from felix's drawer. this relieved felix, he could handle his own germs.

he still kept his distance from jisung when he lay down, pressing himself against the wall, jisung respecting this, lying far enough away to give felix space, but close enough to offer comfort. 

"do you wanna talk about it?" jisung began, offering a shy smile to felix

felix was quiet for a moment.

"i don't know when it began. it just kind of developed without me realising. at first it was just discomfort, then disgust, and then the avoidance and anxiety came along. it affects other things too. i can't share cutlery or drinks with people, i can't eat certain foods because the textures are wrong and make me feel bad and don't get me started on alcohol. some days it's better, some days I can listen to people talk about it, other days I can't even say the word incase it suddenly makes it happen."

"thank you for telling me, lix, i'm glad you told us we can help you now. no need to hide anymore~" jisung responded, voice becoming sing-songy, causing felix to crack a smile. "but can i ask….. why won't you let us touch you right now?"

felix frowned slightly. "just another symptom, makes me feel a bit suffocated. that, and how i'm scared the germs will somwhow sink through my clothes or skin and infect me."

they both shuddered slightly, the visuals enough to make jisung grossed out.

"hey," jisung started. "how about you sleep off that panic attack. i'll go help jeongin and when you wake up, you can explain to the other's what's up. you don't have to, of course, but i do think it'll make you feel better and less alone and we can all help you!"

felix smiled at the older. "yeah, i think that could work."

\- ☆ -

the conversation went well and all his members were super supportive and apologetic that they couldn't help sooner. they worked hard to avoid making jokes about it around felix, and respected his boundary if he was having an off day. there were only a few slip ups, like the day minho was sick in the practice room, but no one had warned felix before he walked in to start practice, only to immediately bolt after seeing the scene in front of him. felix found himself in some obscure building in jyp, hyperventilating for a solid half an hour before he was found. hyunjin found him, racing to every open door and calling out for the other members as he found the younger, said boy succumbing to the excess oxygen and exhaustion. 

he woke up in his room, immediately bursting into tears at the thought of being carried and for taking the attention of a sick member again. changbin had been there to comfort him, patting his head with a covered hand and face mask on, assuring felix that he had washed his hand and there was nothing to fear.

practice was, needlessly to say, cancelled that day, but apart from that, felix has been doing just fine.

**Author's Note:**

> highkey a vent but could be interpreted as "write the fics you wanna see!" idek anyway yes im stay now ! sorry if the characterisation feels off im new and still learning & sorry for any mistakes ! will come back and edit soon~
> 
> thank you for reading <3
> 
> \- 
> 
> update 08.09.20
> 
> edited to remove woojin


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